7 Ways to Win the Heart of Your Mother-in-Law
Let's be honest — sometimes mothers-in-law can be intimidating. The pressure to get along may be there whether you have gotten to know your mother-in-law well through the years or have only met her a few times throughout your relationship. She may live right down the block or across the country. She may be easygoing and flexible, or you may have a history of hitting a few roadblocks with her in the past. But no matter what details exist, it all boils down to this: you love your spouse, your spouse loves you, and maybe you just really want their family to love you too. To alleviate some of the anxieties involved, here are seven ways to win the heart of your mother-in-law.
Ask For Her Advice
Ask your mother-in-law for her advice and insight on certain things, whether it be about the home or the children. She will appreciate that you keep her in mind and feel comfortable enough to ask her for help.
Include Her in Activities, No Matter How Big or Small
Even if she isn't always available to attend, she loves to be invited — it shows you are keeping her in mind. Whether it is to your children's baseball game, your significant other's work promotion celebration, or a small get-together at the house, no function is too big or small to extend an invitation.
Set Up a Routine
Set up a routine, such as Sunday dinners at her place or making first Fridays of the month a family movie night. If she lives farther away, plan a family trip at least once or twice a year, if possible, to make sure you spend some time with her. In psychology, there is something called the "mere-exposure effect," which refers to when individuals have a preference for certain people or things for the simple reason that they are familiar to them. Setting up routine visits and meetings can help cultivate this.
Make Time to Get to Know Her
Take time to make an effort to get to know who she is beyond her role as mother-in-law. Invite her over for coffee, go out to lunch, or sit down and chat with her during family functions.
Get Yourself in a Calmer State Before Family Functions
Put your mind in a calm place before getting together with your in-laws. Sometimes family gatherings, especially around birthdays or the holidays, can be incredibly stressful and cut into your mood. Whether it is through an app like Headspace or a yoga class, if you take a bit of time out beforehand to ease your nerves, your interactions will follow suit.
Remember That She May Parent (or Grandparent) Different Than You
Remember: she may not parent (or grandparent) the same as you — and that is totally OK! Some in-laws may be strict, and others may be more lenient than you are used to. They may want to let their grandchildren stay up a bit later than usual when they watch them on the weekends or like to take them out for ice cream during the middle of the day. As long as it is not against your beliefs or causing any serious harm, have some flexibility.
Compromise
Learn to compromise and work with each other's schedules and preferences. If you really enjoy getting together on the weekends but your mother-in-law can only get together during the weekdays, then settle on some Friday evening plans. If she is busy for the Summer but you can't take time off to go on a trip in the Fall, instead plan on a Spring family vacation. Always keep perspective and try to be flexible. Chances are she will notice and be sure to do the same back.
